Sunday, January 22, 2017

Will you make it better? -letter to someone

Dear XX,

Times have been tough. Rejection happens, and you got to stay strong. I want both of us to move on as fast as possible, as soon as possible, because there's not enough time for us to stay in dream fantasy land. I know your heart is bleeding right now, and I want to be there for you to give you a big hug for all the pain you went through just for me. I didn't know how to respond to you right now, given the circumstances that we are subjected to, but I want you to know that you are the one who can pull through this time, and I hope you are living fine. Stay further away from me, and you will feel so much better. The past should be left in the past, because nothing stays forever, and we don't stay forever too. Everything changes very constantly, and all we got to do is to move on faster than we can cope sometimes to make things right. A lot of the things we go through are things we are reluctant to learn, but through those falls and mishaps, we learn and hopefully be stronger and tougher to face ourselves.

There's so much more to embrace than just me, and I hope your heart is healed. Most sincere blessings for your journey to amend yourself, and to have a better lifestyle, better outlook on life, better dreams, better health, better friends, better Self. Prove yourself that you could do better than what you think you can. I believe in you and have faith you can pull through. Our time is over, so let's move together, baby steps, one two three, together, alright?

Goodnight, my past. By the way, I am not talking about you, Mr Vincent. You don't deserve this in any way because you are such a jerk and a monster. Thomas is not mine, tbh. This person I am writing to is my new boyfriend. 

To be honest, Mr Vincent I forgot your full name. And it doesn't matter. I got bored of you. 


Thursday, January 19, 2017

Questions I ask to myself during my course of study

I tend to question things a lot by voicing out in my head, but it's funny because I never get the answers I really want. Hence, I would like to think of this post today as a written record of the question that is going on through my head a several bunch of times, which is "Why do I like to work long and hard?"

Discussion about the question:

There has been a lot of advocacy going on about the ideology of "work smart, not hard" and the concept behind this is to promote a work-life balance by increasing your productivity in work and boosting your efficiency to produce the resultant output. I agree with that to a tee, that working smart yields the result it wants. But the fundamental query is, “what do you classify as study smart?" as per the application of the ideology in my studies.

There isn't a fixed answer, but I really like solidified answers to my questions, especially if there are facts and information which are proven. Truth to be told, I had this question directed to myself to review the way I was approaching my own studies, and after giving it few years of thought, I classify myself as someone who has a preference of studying hard rather than smart? This is because generally studying smart means to me as using mind mapping methods or fast and quick strategies to absorb the knowledge into your brain, and attending to questions as a mode of practice. However, in contrast, as much as I found the mind mapping, visual techniques highly appealing and novel, I had actually still preferred the more "practical and down to earth" conventional method where I read, write and document my notes in detail, taking the time I allocated to "sink in" to my material.

Odd, but I really love ploughing and laboring through whatever I do. Reasons? I could give four justifications.

 First, I enjoy the process of memorizing all the facts in my head. I feel a sense of security in my mind that I have "laid the base" of knowledge I have learned. Memory work makes me more motivated to study more, even memory takes a lot time to commit to.

 Secondly, I love taking notes and recopying them as well; I just feel that the "process of studying" is done at its maximum quality when I do note taking and not just look at my text and read. It feels meaningless.

Thirdly, it builds my discipline and focus. I recalled the time where I was having a three months break from studying and idiotically not signing up for any part time work. What I observed from me taking a break from studying or laboring for something? Disastrous. That's why laboring for studying makes my mind occupied and reinforces my concentration. Concentration is really significant for anything we do, generally, and I think building it up through studying is a great opportunity to cultivate this habit to work.

Fourth, at least studying hard makes my mind think I am striving for a goal. Goals make me have a direction, which excites me everytime because I would think of the future (which can contribute to over optimism but it's more toned down right now) and makes me more positive and driven. Without even being committed to studying, I couldn't stay awake during the day. Everyday feels like a zombie, I mean seriously maybe I wasn't born the type that could really "chill out, have fun and Netflix and chill" mind just had to do something which I could see either improving my skills or generating money (coming soon in the future).

Discussion has ended, and I really think that today's entry was really meaningful.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Knowledge whore: How does it feel in becoming one?

Derogatory post title for the usage of the word "whore", but I thought I would use that to reinforce the emphasis of the quality of being "obsessed with knowledge". Some people are more driven than I am in pursuing knowledge, but judging by the book-hoarding habits and several other indicators, I would categorize myself as a knowledge whore: a faithful prostitute of knowledge who strips herself naked in front of the mightiness and abundance of information. You sell your soul to knowledge and are contented by how the volume and complexity of it would torment you at times and makes you vulnerable.

Signs that make me (or you) a knowledge whore:

1) When you read something and come across something new, your mind sources ways to know more about that piece of information (I.e web search, book references etc). It goes to a point of unnecessary and overly detailed rumination of a single point or information and makes you feel you wasted too much time just understanding one single detail when you can opt to read the whole article to get a full picture of it.

2) You buy books by the impulse of getting excited by the little piece of knowledge you gained from the book, which are only fragments of the book, and eventually not finishing the whole of it because you got what you wanted to know. You continue this book hoarding cycle for several times, that till the point you get sick of yourself spending so magnanimously.

3) When something catches your interest, you read so much of that that all you can think of first when you meet someone or participate in an event is just that knowledge that's stuck in your head. You gradually get tired of this habit and want it to stop, but the neural pathways have been made to psyche your thinking in such a manner that it takes a while to undo the whole process and be normal and live in the present again.

4) You are anxious in knowing about everything on your subject of interest, and when you think you have researched it enough and want to move on, you felt the urge to document it and make it your memento of personal efforts but only then to realize that it's all too time limiting due to your other obligatory duties (student, employee, mother etc)

5) You like to be projected as someone who is knowledgeable, cool and smart but not nerdy and bookish. You know how important it is to be suave about what you know, and to exchange what you don't know for answers from experts.

6) When asked about your past times, you tend to have a dilemma in answering because you would want to give people the perception that you are a cool person who hangs out and read at the same time, but you know that your honest answer would be a "person who likes reading, researching"

7) You feel guilt trips coming your way when you sacrificed your knowledge seeking pursuits for other activities, since you know that time is not on your side for this leisure activity but you had to relax your brain because it got too many orgasms from absorbing and understanding information.

7 signs that justify why I am one big knowledge whore, not entirely the best label to have, but studying and learning more makes me more contented with life (believe it or not). :)

Sunday, January 15, 2017

The journey of accounting : Food for thought

Accounting is the major that I am doing currently, which generally receives a lot of mixed indicators about its level of difficulty, its capacity of enjoyment by the learner and its degree of feasibility for attempt by non-Accounting students. Like Science, it is a specialized form of discipline which characterizes a multitude of knowledge that are specialized, significant and holistic in its field, which is Accounting. For this post, I want to also express my thoughts on how I find the subject of accounting for me so far by learning it in in-depth at college. My previous academic background in my high school was Science, and so there was a major disconnect in the subjects I was taking in college, where I was exposed first to accounting in my pre-university foundation program for 10 months before progressing in a full fledged accounting based professional qualification that will be in a duration of 3 years. 

Here is what I think of Accounting (might not apply to everyone):

1) Layers of information in numbers
This is the quality I found most intriguing about Accounting. Everyone who hasn't really learnt it before says that "it's all about the numbers" but they have totally discounted the substance of the subject. It does involve a significant amount of calculations and general mathematical computation but more importantly it's how you derive your understanding which determines the effectiveness of understanding the subject. Personally, I began learning the subject with a mindset of memory and practice but then it got to an extent that that wasn't really effective anymore and limited how I applied my knowledge in questions. You had to understand how to derive the source of the financial information given to you, reasoned about it logically before even trying to solve the problem. I would say that it makes your brain really exhausted because your mind is zooming in and zooming out of the question constantly to ensure that you got the basics of understanding correct. It's not as superficial as memorizing double entries and accounting concepts - if you don't sit down and think, you are just as good as gone when it comes to the higher level difficulty questions. Definitely not everyone's cup of tea to drink but if you love the challenge and want to rise above it, accounting provides that rigor for you because you will be cracking your brains to go around comprehending how the system works. 

2) Patience to finish and start
You know the scenario where your brain is just too overwhelmed with the information that you were trying to absorb to the extent that even the most familiar and simplest knowledge becomes foreign. That was how I identified with my process of learning Accounting, you simply have to wait and register what you are learning inside your brain. It's different for everyone, but for my case, I had to be really perseverant in starting the revision on my chapters and finishing them on a complete note as well. There is going to be a major difference between you just looking through the text without further notes and inquiry (but inquiry most likely comes after rounds of practice questions) and you diving in deep into asking the petty and redundant details on one concept. Doesn't guarantee a high pass, but it assures what you study, you don't just see it as mere facts but real practical sound information. Facts are dull and hollow, when they come without reason or abstract principles: because it can independently stand by its own it doesn't give rise to any connection between the learner and the reality that they are living in. 

3) The Flow of Learning
Unless you practiced a career in accounting before you were in my course, it's highly impossible for your brain to retain all the information that is presented in the syllabus. Your brain isn't equipped to capture all the information because it thinks it's just academic knowledge which makes learning Accounting passive. However, I tried establishing a flow in learning it, where you don't have any cuts or interruptions in between your studying sessions, and it seems easier to put your knowledge in practice. It's energy draining, because your brain has to imagine about some event or occurrence that has not happened or not experienced by you, which makes it very hard to make associations with the factual knowledge you are presented with. Hence the continuous hours of allowing your brain to be receptive to the projections of virtual and unrealized real life examples would greatly help you to focus and appreciate the subject more. I used to loathe this exercise because I have to have a reserve of energy to attend to my other subjects as well, but it's definitely worth it. 

4) Voice it out on paper, not your head
Not sure why but Accounting is something that requires a large amount of human labor to grasp it. For me, if you have understood the mechanics behind one chapter you better pen it down or else it gets lost in your head! Accounting chapters are highly interconnected hence it's very easy to mismatch or misidentify some information to chapters. In short, be systematic when you learn Accounting, random note taking is not going to assist you to be an efficacious learner of this systemic and practical knowledge. I experimented with various methods of learning this subject, and what I found best is to be simple, conventional, persistent and organized. Seems very ordinary, and not innovative? But Accounting is like a tradition applicable to finances and traditions cannot be anywhere innovative unless they are modified and rebranded or revamped right? 

5) Keep in touch, always
It's like your friends. The more time you spend understanding them, the higher likelihood that they are going to stay with you. A common ground I found in learning Accounting as well; unlike Science, you just get zoned away from the subject once you stopped learning further about it. For science, it's quite a fair bit of general knowledge and hence common sense gives you the linkage to what you previously acquired. For Accounting, once you detach yourself from it, it will take time before you can understand it again; the subject is so autonomous by itself that it's hardly even possible to be ingrained in your memory until you really worked to establish some solid relations with it. 

Quite an amount that I have churned out on this post about my journey with Accounting, and hopefully I succeed in being in its club as it wasn't "kacang putih" (translates to easy) in the beginning. Definitely harder than the Biology, Chemistry and Physics which I was learning back then, so hopefully all falls in place. 

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Questions and Statements : About me

A comeback after a hiatus on my writing, and I decided to post a very personal perspective on these questions and statements that were asked and said to me by certain people that I met from different walks of life. As being a person who likes to be private with certain information, some people automatically pass judgments around, causing some misunderstanding and misconception about my perceived personal values and identity. Hence, decided to clear this up once and for all to enhance their understanding on this issue. Definitely appreciating the compliments and reembracing constructive criticism and clarifying unfair discriminations and misconstrued judgements.

First question, "Is life all about studying and achieving excellent grades?"

Answer: Of course not. First of all, to be very honest, what you see from me doesn't equal everytime to what you exactly can get. To me, life is not only about studying and achieving excellent grades, but it's definitely about being focussed on what you want from that pursuit or goal and achieve the best out of it. I like success and the idea of my success is to get to the top and the maximum result of what I can attain using my capacity as a human. It varies from one person to another but I base my life on "one step, one task and one thing at a time" because how life has taught me is that you cannot get to where you want to be by flying a jet plane but you might have to start by walking and slowly changing your modes of transportation to fasten your process of getting there. Studying may seem a responsibility that every student has to do, and too theoretical to be even enjoyed by many, but without this step, you are losing the competitive advantage, the opportunity to gain qualification to step into the working world. That being said, studying is just part of life to transit you to the real world, before everything gets all hazy and cloudy for you to handle in the beginning, studying offers the cushion for you to prepare for war in society.

Second question, "Then why are you always studying, being the nerd and seem to have a boring life?"

Answer: Excuse me, pardon me for saying this, but boring isn't exactly the word you would want to use in the first place to label a person's way of living. Everyone is entitled to their individual lifestyle and judgmental attitudes should thus be minimized in viewing them. Secondly, the reason for my "always studying" status is because I am a person who does not multitask well and could only focus on one thing at a time. Haphazard and fire fighting way of dealing with my tasks are perceived by me as being sloppy, and unproductive and ineffective because it deters the purpose of me studying then. I believe that once you are already committed to something, try to devote and get the best out of it. Besides, learning something passionately and dedicatedly is a good virtue to be practiced in every thing we do, even at work or management of our time. So, I would say that your way of thinking is either lacking of good understanding of importance of being quality and valuable in what you practice or deliver or that you are just plain....immature. No offense.

Third Statement, "I guess you are lonely and have no friends."

Answer: Correction, I have friends but again you are too quick to judge based on what I usually project. My social circle is ever evolving and experiences its relatively large upturns and downturns due to mismatches in personality, busy schedules or miscellanous events like abroad studies or migration. My friends, from my point of view allow me to express my individuality more freely and actively. They are independent, off beat sometimes but always authentic and progressive in their approaches to life and that's why most of the time we don't frequently hang out with each other. Yes,  I do admit the seasons of loneliness are definitely coming in around once in a while just to check in on my health levels for social interaction, but nevertheless I am abundant with friends who are interesting and quirky who share strong grounds of intellectual, spiritual compatibility with that of mine.

Fourth question: "You must be super smart and genius, that's why you are so good in studies right?"

Answer: I try not to tell negative experiences about myself because it evokes a lot of intense emotions underneath this relatively aloof exterior of mine, but then I find it relevant to cite these adverse experiences to justify what I say. Super smart and genius are just inflationary statements made to overstate my intellectual worth. I am no way near Einstein or anyone similar to that. My IQ levels are definitely going to be ranging at the average level. To be humbly admitting this, I am more of a serious, hardworking person that is aiming to be super smart and genius. Well, my barriers in learning stuff such as slow speed to understand concepts and applying them has gave me the propelling energy to improve them methodically and gradually. While some can have improvements real fast, my learning journey has came on a rather moderate pace where I am always given life lessons to be more systematic, patient and detailed in my studies. The mentors I meet, the subjects I am learning, the learning habits I inculcated and emulated from others have the similar quality of being very meticulous and methodical rather than lightning strikes of inspiration.

Fifth question, "Why are you so unemotional and insensitive?"

Answer: Alright, I am really the diabolic opposite of those qualities you mentioned. I sound dry and technical and factual and book smart in my talking, but I have a heart that spans through romanticism and Romeo and Juliet daydreams. It's not easy dealing with emotions, especially the overtly happy, sad or angry ones...I found them very hard to control or keep under and tend to have disproportionate fits of explosion of rage and outcry of emotion towards certain events that provoke those feelings. Not the best in internal controls of emotions, and for the sake of preserving my balance with my mental state and harmony with people, I try to channel it somewhere. Sometimes it can be as unproductive and time wasting as sleeping it off, mulling it off, whining about it, singing it off or crying it out; but all in turn I feel much better releasing the tap of that imploding feelings.

Sixth question, "Why don't you get a boyfriend?"

Answer: Dear, finding a boyfriend takes time, and it's definitely not easy unless you are willing to settle for less than what you need and want. Getting a boyfriend, which girl isn't capable of doing it? But the point that you are missing is the sustenance of the whole boy and girl relationship. It takes commitment, and time and a lot of work to build the trust, comfort levels and intimacy so without factoring this, you might just label yourself as someone who wants a "no strings attached" cycle of relationships which can be very demoralizing for women. I don't look for perfection, but settling down too early just makes you very tied down and tired in the long run. I dated and all of them taught me how to love myself first before even opening yourself to another person's heart. It's not as easy as you think, that's all I conclude.

Seventh statement, "Your parents are so strict."

Answer: To be the fittest you are given the toughest. I wouldn't say they aren't strict, but definitely being under their upbringing makes me a more principled person who can bring control to my life. Of course there came a time where my rebellion streak started to cloak on my personality which distanced myself further, but overall I am unbiased and neutral towards their way of showing affection and care to me. They brought one of the toughest environments for me to cope with initially but they gave me the sweetest fruits that I reaped from the environment I survived. That's how I see it, and nothing too bad about anything. Strict or too strict, you call it, but that's reality and I am loving it. Wearing rose colored glasses and you would have to get a new pair to relearn the whole dynamics of life.

That concludes for today in this discussion and being the long winded writer I am, this makes me satisfied because I get to say what I want to say and not having so much filter for social graces.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

5 Practical Things to Do with your 5 senses After your Break-up

Today's post is going to be about relationships, and I am talking about romantic relationships. Nothing fancy, but break-ups are never fun. Why? Because it is literally what the word means - you are breaking-up - not only you are breaking apart from the person you once loved, the relationship which you have invested so much time, effort and energy in - all the desire, the temptation, the drive is lost like a current in the moment of separation. Could you imagine how painful that can feel to a person who has devoted so much in a romantic relationship? Some people described it as "losing a part of yourself" which I agree to a certain extent, or "losing your limbs" etc. It feels a big chunk of who you are was taken away, because that emotional, spiritual bond you formed with the partner you had admired, adored so dearly has been broken. Vows unfulfilled, dreams remain as illusions, only the reality that the relationship has been torn into pieces remains in that place - shattered, unyielding. It is the kind of self-pain that once can experience deep in the soul level - consciously or unconsciously due to the separation. However, all happens for a definite reason, and we are part of a bigger, gigantic Universe that are coming to unite ourselves to a definite, purpose - it can be charitable work, educational seminars, financial disputes...our physical reality is shown to us in accordance and in alignment of what we are projecting out to it. Never nice to have a breakup, but there are lessons to take away and few below are some practical solutions to it:

1) Clean up, reorganize your room - slowly
Breakups are the past - the moment someone decides to call it quits, that means the relationship remains in the past. Everything that has been said, done is never going to be brought forward - it remains as a memory, as an event that HAS happened. Hence, you want to start creating your new beginning - beginnings are always the best way to allow you to regain perspective. Like how people always reinvent their identity, their image to the world, it is the same with this situation. Cleaning up the room - reorganizing how you put things, or sending those bed sheets to the laundrette- these little steps eventually help your brain to stop remaining in the phase of temporal depression from the break-up. 5 minutes per day for a drawer clean up, then when you feel more up to it, 10-20 minutes per day...take time to organize your feelings in the process. Rushing through it and trying to move on fast (I know everyone wants to do it) will be in accord with your own pace, and not how people want you to. But, don't get stuck in sleeping in bed all day, get up, have breakfast, and make that room clean and tidy. 

2) Take nature walks 
Nature is our core, our roots of where we begin, and so everything that has happened, would be recycled to be used again and again by humans. Hence, to reconnect yourself with all forms of nature - forests, seas, jungles, mountains etc. makes your human spirit alive again. Whether it is taking a day off (after all your important tasks are done of course) to a isolated forest to hike, or strolling by the all helps you to ground yourself to the present moment - the process of regaining your inner self again. You let go of the pain that lies within you, and release it to the natural energies of fire, water, earth and air to heal them - it all sounds too spiritual, but just take a nature walk, get away from the city or your room and you will see the difference. Bring your diary too, if you have to. Journalling your thoughts, feelings after the nature-adventure can definitely make you more self-aware and mindful of your progress in healing from the separation.

3) Physical comfort - hug a friend/family member
It is one of the simplest ways to feel better - be in the warmth of somebody else who is caring, supportive and nurturing for you. Someone who you know will always be there no matter what happens - be it a great mentor, friend, family member etc. Find that someone you could trust on and hug them - it sounds a very weird idea, but a hug means a physical symbol of affection and comfort. Because the most important emotion that one would like to feel after a breakup is peace and comfort. So, don't hesitate, find someone whom you are comfortable with, and ask them if you could have a hug. You feel love, light and warmth in them, as the hug will signal you that "the worse is all over, everything is going to be better soon." Seems pretty hard to do actually, but trust me, this step is the method that is the most soothing and gives you the tranquility. What more right than a physical reassurance from the genuine loved ones?

4) Putting more focus on what's going to be done on that day
Break-ups are amazing in the way it pushes us to fight procrastination. As you are so heartbroken in your feelings that any movie or song just sounds horrible and loud at the moment, you prioritize and only laser focus on your priorities - your work, your studies, your creative ventures etc. even though it isn't exactly the things you want to do at the moment. You have the inner warrior that is shielding yourself, and you want to fight back to stand up stronger, so these mechanisms help to defend that inner pain by orientating yourself on the tasks that has to be get done today - getting that appointment attended, fix your car, pluck the weeds etc. Key thing here, is to focus what is to be done for the day only, because unless you have recovered almost 50%, your mind is foggy and could not plan for very long term goals such as saving or investment will impair your ability to think.

5) Colors, visuals - look at sceneries, beautiful photos
Colors are ultimate mood changers, and can help you alleviate the moods that you are feeling just about anytime. For break-up periods, do not tune into things that are of black color, because it increases the depressed feelings..instead, try green, blue hues, colors that symbolise nature.. teal green can be great too. Artists create art out from their emotions, and so art will do well in therapy for your breakup. Visit art galleries, large spaces, interior designs, magnificent, beautiful buildings; because they are all inviting to our field of vision and gives us the level of visual satisfaction we can find. 

The five senses are the fundamentals that we have to first go back to in recovering ourselves from pain, at the same time, doing the psychological work, of "accepting the reality and your emotions". Never beat yourself, put blame on them or you for the break-up - when it is broken apart, it's time to move on and be open and receptive to the light that is already standing and waiting for us. Love is bigger than a romantic relationship, so we must learn to embrace the love that can exists at all levels, especially self-love - because by finding true self-love we find ourselves complete, and could let go freely of the pain we had with losing our beloved other half. 


Monday, November 28, 2016

Top 5 Attitudes You Should Get Rid of Before 23 (or 30)

Stinky attitudes - anger, hatred, discrimination, those are the types of behaviors that you want to really minimize practicing in life before all these negative qualities embody who you are as a person. Everyone has it, whether it's laziness, procrastination, bad temper, poor focus etc. - anything that deters us from living up to the best versions of ourselves, it is up to us to take the bold step to make a change and fight those weaknesses! Like a warrior of your own destiny, you take that spear and really kill those little "bugs" of bad attitudes to progress to a greater level of personal enrichment. Although it's not easily understood by people on the surface, these checklist of attitudes should be reviewed from time to time to facilitate your process of finding and grounding yourself to the best "You".

You are the prime energy when you are in your twenties, so it's best to get yourself armored to fight through all the difficult aspects of your negative personalities. Twenties is the time you get a direction, you set goals, you create visions and missions for yourself; so that your future 50 year old would not grumble and tell you "Why didn't you do that when you're 20?"

1) Giving up - Not trying it again, I am done with it because I am never going to make it
Yep, if you really tell yourself enough times that you couldn't make it - you are never going to write well, never going to overcome anxiety etc, chances are your body isn't going to make you work towards it! It's all part of self-belief amidst the poor confidence you have due to past disappointments and hurts - you HAVE to really draw that organic courage from your soul and throw yourself back into facing the reality that you have created yourself. If you have done very poorly in an interview and sent yourself down into a few months of depression, see how much of a reality you are living in - your current state of living doesn't show your future self that you are going to a better person by being or staying depressed - so wake up and look back, yes, you didn't land on that job promotion, but look how you deal with your aftermath, you walk two steps back and retreat into your comfort zone thinking that "It's alright, I just don't want to try it again. I am sensitive, I am incapable." That makes you weaker, and more incapacitated in the near future undertakings - you are never going to take problems by your hand (or by your fist) so stop doing it! Stop feeling self-pity, get out there, and move! Movement creates opportunities, it's like if you walk further down the road, you might see some shop-lots, and from there, things can be able to happen. You just got to, keep going. Look straight ahead.

2) Getting up late - I guess I could sleep in a bit more
Time is a limited, scarce resource. If you want to keep wasting time on mindless pursuits that are not efficient in reaching your desired goals, then stop chasing after that big house or car you have in mind. Your current and present way of living does not show any evidence of you getting it in the future, so be it! Hence, the converse way is to stop wasting time! Get down to your hands and feet and start your motor skills to work, study, practice, master those things that you aimed for! What excuses can you give to yourself that you need more sleep than others? Yes, adequate sleep is necessary for your brain to function optimally, or sometimes power naps could help you focus and reorientate your life direction better, but please do not especially waste your precious morning time! Have your breakfast, journal, review what you have done - something that keeps you on your toes, and fast-moving. Keep waiting, and procrastinating and nothing is never going to be done. Take charge of your life for once, could you? You need to fire up and be the person that you have been dreaming of, and so sleeping more is not going to help if you don't do anything during the day (or night).

3) Hard work - Don't be a lazy ass, be diligent
Yes, we talk about strategy in getting things the smart way, and that is of course the positive way of accomplishing goals, because you see methodologies that can help fasten your process. But do you actually believe you create a product just by strategizing and envisioning without even test running it first! All the hard, dirty work - sweat, tears, adrenaline, fatigue you name it all the stressors..they are going to be the process of how you are going to land in where you are supposed to be. If it's a musical instrument that you have invested yourself in, then be sure to practice, practice and practice. You are not going to be an excellent performer by thinking how you are going to receive those bouquet of red roses or applause from the audience in KLPAC. You just simply have to put yourself in the position of process - work, practice, improve, review. Don't stop because of how negative the criticisms are from the outsiders, if you know that's your direction, make sure you prove to yourself that you are able to make a success out of it.

4) Perfectionist mindset - I need everything to be perfect
Darling, perfection is not inherently existent, and is almost an elusive ideal to attain. As long as you are a living being, we come with a package of strengths and weaknesses - noone is mutually excluded from imperfect notions - we can get a lot of setbacks, a lot of hurts, so be content with what you have achieved so far and stop whining about how bad you are. That is called "self-undermining" and underappreciating what you have done to achieve that milestone. If you keep being overly self-critical with what you do, noone is going to feel much worse other than you. You are the one, anyway that's telling yourself that "You are not good enough" and "You are the worst" so it's you who is creating all the mess for your behavior. Try to be realistic and accept the current tide of events that are happening. Although I really do not fully support the idea of organized religion, I really would acknowledge the idea of God's plan and will, and the Universe who is orchestrating the events happening around the world - summarizing it, everything happens for a reason. So believe, believe and believe and don't hope for perfection - just do and improve. Do and improve.

5) Being messy - I am not an organized person
While this might not be a very poor attitude, as some people do have more disorganized ways of living, I do highly encourage organization and structure in living your daily routine and achieving goals. Being very scattered and forgetful makes you very lost in direction and you don't have the strength of focus and persistence in what you do - You want do just do everything. One step at a time, one step at a time, it works magically if you take one thing at a time. Slow the engines, take a breath, smell the roses, come back to it again and focus. Don't distract yourself anymore with social media updates if that's not the item that's going to bring you somewhere near to your goals, just sit down and try to focus on the priorities. Sounds a bit orthodox, very cliche, but this is the attitude that people often forget - they just don't focus enough, only to find themselves having things half-baked done in the end.

Behavioral change is going to take a while, you may go back and forth especially if you have specific addictions (watching movies, playing online games etc.) so it might be best to always contemplate on how much value you are adding to your life when you have this cycle of unhealthy life patterns sticking to you. Always reflect, and take a step out to change. Seek help when you can, because you are definitely going to fall several times before really getting there. But most importantly, have faith in yourself that you are going to change.